Saturday, January 23, 2021
Sunday, January 3, 2021
I love to journal write but admittedly, my journal writing has been nearly non-existent in recent months. Dealing with dysthymia sucks but in order to combat the struggle I thought I’d share the things from 2020 that I’m thankful to have experienced or rediscovered. It’s not a comprehensive list by any means but I thought doing a review would put me in a better mindset and maybe it will inspire you to do the same.
1) Rediscovering skateboarding and my appreciation for Bob Burnquist, Bucky Lasek, Tony Hawk, Andy Macdonald and so many other skaters I wasn’t familiar with like Elliot Sloan, Kelly Hart, Chris Roberts and many others.
2) Designing a sacred cabinet, having a friend help me design it with the purpose to have a quiet place to decompress and connect with myself. Some people would call it a home altar, meditation cabinet or a blessing cabinet.
3) Having spent time with my friend Cathy when possible and being an outlet for her. Listening to her talk about her achievements and struggles with her new business, knowing she is happy and doing something she loves.
4) That I had the ability to write a 50,000-word novel for NaNoWriMo even when I didn’t have a story outline, no character names and only a potential idea three days before the event started.
5) That I am resourceful in finding a new way to change my mood and mental state when things went incredibly dark and I was hurting bad.
7) For being a music junkie and rediscovering my music collection and having the ability to listen to all of my 1000+ CDs.
8) Ability to bake and try new recipes in my slow cooker and discover new favorites. Pork Loin in the slow cooker – YUM!
9) Having the time to knit 18 scarves and donating them in time for Christmas for kids.
10) Having great conversations with the sales clerk at the grocery store, exchanging meal ideas and talking about how to deal with seasonal allergies.
11) Although I’m not a gamer, the ability to play Skyrim when I need to in order to get my frustrations out and kick some ass.
There are many other things but it would take me a while to list them all. It’s a start and like I said I’m thankful for a lot of things. The items above bring a smile to my face and maybe that’s the key to it all in making it through the rough days. While compiling this list my brain did it’s usual thing and pulled something deeply buried to the forefront.
Enjoy the music selection today folks – the theme song from The Partridge Family TV show. I loved this show growing up and let’s be honest, the song is pretty darn catchy.
Friday, January 1, 2021
I'm glad 2020 is over and 2021 has arrived. One can only hope this year is better than the last. I hope all of you enjoyed your holidays as best as possible. Mine holidays were quiet. Extremely quiet as I was by myself. Not one single person in my extended family - aunts, uncles, etc. called me on Christmas. I'm typically the one who calls people but this year I wanted to see if anyone would call me.
I have spent time my week and half off from work trying some new recipes, making food in my slow cooker and then freezing so I have meals ready to go. I'm still working on perfecting making homemade croutons but haven't quite found the right bread to do it with. I thought a baguette would do the trick but not quite. I did make a nice pork loin in the slow cooker with potatoes.
For 2021, I'm hoping to find more happy moments. That has always been a struggle for me. Find joy in simple things. I'm not making it a New Year's resolution because those always fail. It is something to do for myself and most definitely find ways to laugh more.
Although this was posted yesterday, I think it's a good way to start the year with a chuckle from Professional Skateboarder, Tony Hawk:
Monday, November 30, 2020
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
It has been a few months since my last post. The months have been a rollercoaster of feeling lost, lonely and finding a stable place. My life GPS is broken.
While it has been months since my dad's estate was closed which allowed me to focus back on me, I still find myself trying to find my way. Adjusting to a new life, in a new home and new routine. Every week I think of some item I forgot to grab from the old house. The list is quite lengthy at this point. I forgot to grab so many things!
My mind at times will replay the awful moment I found my dad dead on the floor in the archway of the kitchen and living room. Replaying the fire fighters talking to me, the police officers, the doctors and the funeral director. I never know when these moments will hit or why but they do.
I manage to keep going and given the current situation in the world with the COVIID-19 virus, that's all I can do. Like many, I am working from home which I'm not fond of. My brain already tortures me with stuff and being stuck indoors makes it so much worse.
There is so much uncertainly for the future. My mind spins out of control at times and I wonder if I'll make it through this event or my brain will just have a huge mental break. I'm just thankful that my dad is not alive to live through this virus crap although I do miss the old house.
I'd be able to go outside and walk around the yard or sit on the deck. Things that I can't do in my current home. I do wonder how many people like myself who deal with depression or other mental issues are dealing with staying home.
I was an only child growing up so being alone is something I'm used to and keeping occupied and while I am a homebody, I do miss walking to the bus stop to go to work and seeing my co-workers and talking to people in general.
The world feels even smaller than it normally does for me and I suspect it feels that way or others too.
I hope all of you are being "good parents" to yourself and do what you need to do be kind to yourself.
Today's music choice I'm sure is going to seem weird. Given that I've had to stay home, I've been listening to my music collection. It's been ages since I heard a Dionne Warwick song and forgot I even owned a CD of her music. So, in a nod to my younger self and one of Dionne's best - enjoy!