My Alive Day and Other Stuff

 It has been several months since I sat at this keyboard to write.

Life is going.

The job front is horrible to say the least. I continue to look for work. Had an interview with an AI agent which was really strange. I didn't hear back from the company. I think I'm okay with that even though the job was right in my wheelhouse.

I was rejected by a supermarket over salary. They liked me well enough, but I wasn't willing to work for $14/hour. I asked for a few bucks higher, and it was a no go. It sucked as I know the layout of the grocery store well and know a lot of the staff.  Not to mention it's right across the street. 

Anyway, I have found myself a part-time job while I continue to look for full-time.  I was told that my part-time job could go full-time.  While I would love full-time, and the staff and company seem okay, I'm not sure my body can take it. After a four-hour shift, I am exhausted by the time I leave and walk home, which is only a 10-minute walk. 

I have landed a job as a Backroom Associate for a major retail company. I worked for one of their other companies over 30 years ago and yet, here I am working for another one of their companies.  The store manager is super awesome and will find a way to make things work with your schedule. My immediate supervisor was hired four months before I was so it's a learning process in many ways.

Most of the staff are nice although I am surrounded by high schoolers which dredges up old memories. Thankfully, not for long but the cliques do exist in this place. I process apparel for the salesfloor, putting size markers on hangers, adding anti-theft sensors, hanging everything on z-racks for other associates to put on the salesfloor.

I have put clothing on the salesfloor myself and must admit the store layout is confusing as hell. I wish I had a map.

Other than a part-time job, I have a little dinner party coming up on Halloween.  I am hosting a Samhain ancestor ceremony and supper with a small group of friends to acknowledge our ancestors and then have good food in order to celebrate the Celtic New Year.

My Death Day as I have always called it but learned that saying Alive Day has the more positive spin, came and went without much fanfare as it typically does. Although, I did splurge a bit and bought myself a little cake. Not great for my weight loss but hey, I'm worth it. 

Saying Alive Day sounds odd, even though the intentions are good. It simply sounds odd to me given that for 34 years I've called it my Death Day.  A part of me did die that day in order for me to have the opportunity to be who I am now. Something had to die for something else to grow.  Saying Death Day, to me, has a positive connotation. As usual, I'm going against the popular crowd.

I have found myself playing Canasta, more specifically Hand & Foot Canasta, with the neighbor lady downstairs and others in the building every couple of weeks or so. It is nice to gather with the retirees in the building for a few hours and chat. Look at me Miss Social Butterfly.

While getting together with people is nice, I do enjoy my time in my comfy chair binge watching my favorite police body cam and review channels. What can I say? I do enjoy my time with Sergeant Curtis, Sergeant Steve, Frank Sloup, Code Blue Cam, Midwest Safety and Daily Dose of Crime.  

I recently discovered two reaction channels for TV/movies - The Horror Bandwagon and Reel Review HQ.  The Horror Bandwagon guys have been watching Tru Blood. I've seen that show plenty of times but for whatever reason, I enjoy watching it again.  The Reel Review HQ guys are funny. You can tell they are having fun and I appreciate that.

I have laughed more in the past couple of weeks watching Will and Jacob review movies which I think as made my season of reflection more tolerable this year. When the anniversary of my Death Day approaches, I tend to get reflective and gloomy but this year, they have added a spark and things aren't so bad.  There are a lot of hours between now and January but so far so good in staying level. The weather has been decent as well, typically we have dark days of rain, but this year has proved otherwise.

Anyway, that's it for me. Self-care is good care, so take care of yourself and don't feel guilty for doing something for yourself. You've earned it. 

Rock on!

~Maynard

P.S. - Some of the songs that I post disappear from my playlist. One of these days I'll replace them.

It's a New Year

 Hi All,

Apologies for my absence. I am debating whether to keep this blog going given that I am horrible at keeping it up to date. My YouTube channel is going okay. I'm not getting a ton of views and I'm okay with that, it keeps me occupied and I learn new things.

Perhaps, I simply need to update my blog when I upload a video to my YouTube channel. That would keep me on a somewhat regular schedule. 

I do not have much to share, such as life - it can be a little boring at times. I have been keeping myself busy for the most part and am discovering new things about myself all the time - as one should! I am currently reading Letters from a Stoic by Seneca. It has been an insightful read and only wish Seneca was still alive. I think an afternoon or evening spent talking with him would be very rewarding when it comes to one's life journey.

I enjoyed Marcus Aurelius' Meditations when I read it a few months back, once I found a good translation. I had picked up one copy of it, but the translation was horrendous. Another version proved to be a far better read, which I have linked.  While insightful as well, it is different from Seneca. I do believe at this moment in time in my life, I needed to read Seneca. I have a book by Epictetus waiting to be read as well. I am curious to read what his philosophical viewpoint is.

I had heard Stoic philosophy mentioned lately and opted to learn. I bought a beginner's book that admittedly made me question what I had just read. I explained to friends that I needed a beginner's guide to the alleged beginner book I just read. Never a good sign when you finish a book and wonder what you just read. 

That is where I am my friends. I spend my days in books and crafts, trying to enjoy things more than I ever have in my life. I am appreciative of the friends that surround me and nourish me daily and even more appreciative of the friends who live far away and yet remain in contact though letters - not email, but actually letters.  It is a welcome gift that waits for me each time I pick up my mail. 

I hope all of you are enjoying your 2026 so far, I wish you all good health.  Your musical treat for today is one that comes from you.  Go play a forgotten song that brings a smile to your face. Okay, I'll give you one.  Enjoy the James Taylor with special guest, Carole King.

Rock on!

~Maynard

I Struggle, But I'm Here

 It has been far too long since my last post. 

I was furloughed and laid off from a job even though I did no wrong.  While I wasn't exactly saving the world, my co-workers and I were trying to make it a better place.  We were front line ambassadors trying to spread goodwill.  We were trying to help people, help themselves, their communities, their countries. 

When you have your head down all the time, you sometimes forget your mission, your purpose, your drive for things and it wasn't until I finished reading Anthony 'Staz' Stazicker's book The Hard Road Will Take You Home that I looked back on my employer and the work that had been done and the work we had been doing until it was destroyed.

It is now time for me to rebuild something. I am still unemployed at the moment. I will admit I haven't thrown myself into the job search like others.  It's yucky out there. So much, pain with doom and gloom. My brain can't handle it all and I don't know if I want to do the same kind of work.  I can't retire. Not old enough and starting over seems a horrible thought.  I am willing to start over in a job that is interesting.  That is the tough part. I haven't seen anything that ignites my fire to work. 

I do keep busy with my side project. It gives me an outlet to be creative, create something positive to keep myself balanced and to put good energy into the universe.  I hope what I create can bring comfort to people.  A place to visit in the storm.

While I do my best to put kindness out into the world, I struggle. Doubt is a little monster that crawls around and I'm doing my best to keep it away in regard to my side project. Motivation is the other little monster.  I have none for the most part. I will admit that I wonder why I am still here and there doesn't seem to be a good reason to really stick around.

As much as I feel exhausted and sad, hurt, I find comfort in the pages of the books I read by Special Forces Operators. I don't fully understand why, but I'll figure it out.  For now, there is hope in their stories and maybe I'm not fully willing to throw in the towel...it just feels like it. 

All right, time to move on. Today's musical treat is Cry by Godley and Creme.

Rock on!

~Maynard

Living in a Crazy World

We are living in interesting times. I don't know about any of you, but I think I could make an argument that people have collectively lost their minds. What is going on?

What's going on is a bunch of people losing their jobs for starters - me included!  It sucks to lose your job when you were kicking ass in your role for 25+ years. My company didn't want to lay me off, they were put into that position due to the trickle-down effect of certain individuals gutting our federal agencies in the most unorganized way. 

But I digress, I'm not here to blow my stack and go off the rails. I would very much like too, but I choose to use my energy in a more productive way.  The job search is on and it's horrible out there. I have found positions that are perfect only for the postings to be - fake. I do research on the company and see how fraudulent they are.   Just last week, I found a really good position, a perfect fit and then checked the address of this alleged car dealership noted on their website.  When I looked up the address online it led me to a bank.  No car dealership to be found. 

I spend a few hours every other day looking at jobs. I need to work but am not feeling overly motivated to get a job even though I need one to pay the bills. I spend my time working on a creative project so that I don't totally lose my mind in all this chaos. 

A retired neighbor lady has invited me to play Mexican Train Dominoes with her again. I had no idea such a thing existed. Heck, I never knew there were 8 variations on how to play Dominoes to begin with. Tomorrow, I play this game with her and near as I can tell the only difference between regular Dominoes is the amount you pick to start the game and the use of little train tokens. I'm sure there is some strange history on how it became Mexican Train Dominoes. 

I suddenly want pizza and garlic knots.

Diversions aside, I have been doing my best to stay somewhat busy around the house. I finished Jay Morton's book Soldier: Respect Is Earned last month, and I am now about halfway through reading Clint Emerson's The Right Kind of Crazy: Navy SEAL, Covert Operative, and Boy Scout from Hell.  I am looking forward to picking up Heston Russell's new book, not sure if it will be available in the U.S. in hardcopy form or if only as an e-book.  Colin MacLachlan has a book coming out too, so I look forward to picking up a copy. 

This is where I am right now folks. I am unemployed but working on a creative project and other projects to keep me active and my wits about me.  As wonderful as staying in bed, downing a pint of ice cream and watching TV sounds, I get up every day and stay active. I have too.

If I give in too much to the darkness floating around, I honestly fear that I might not be resilient enough to fight back against it.  Dealing with my dysthymia is one thing but letting it spiral completely out of control is something I cannot have happen. I realize some things are out of my control, but this is something I actively need to keep in check.

With that in mind, today's musical treat is Kool & The Gang's Get Down It. I thought something upbeat and funky would be good for all of us right now. 

Rock on!

~Maynard

When Life Throws a Curveball

Life is a rollercoaster consisting of more than ups and downs, how we handle those ups and downs gives insight into our resilience. A situation is currently going on that may potentially cause me to switch careers. I remain optimistic and am enjoying some time away from my everyday job to work on other things. While my co-workers are frantically looking for new jobs, I am taking my furlough time to reassess what I want. 

One of those things, was creating a YouTube channel. I took a leap and did it. I did it as a side project, something creative for my brain to get lost in and at the same time, keep me sane and spread kindness around. When we are kind to ourselves, we are then able to show kindness to others. I do little things all the time for my friends and that played into the channel I started but also taking time to nourish myself. I struggle all the time with being kind to myself, but I try to stay in a good place or least a gray place where I'm not too negative and not overly happy. A well-balanced place.

Life and the things involved in it don't always allow us to nourish ourselves in the way we want. Parts of us die a little and we are on the treadmill of repeating our days. Being in nature, taking time to center ourselves, giving ourselves a chance to sit for a moment escapes us all the time.  Some of us are better than others at doing these things.

I admit that I struggle with meditating. I can sit for a bit and calm down, listen to Celtic music or some other relaxing music like flute or hand pans. I found that I had to create a routine to get into it. I think that's part of getting into the mindset to meditate.  I don't think one can just walk into a room and meditate. I suppose you can if you're really good at it but for me, I call my little sessions - "tuning sessions" as I am tuning into myself. A chance to do an internal check.

Making time is hard. I have horrible motivation to do anything. I ride a wave where I am into something for a stretch of time and then not and then back at it again. It's horrible! I know that is me, so I just roll with it. Getting back to my YouTube channel, it is way different than what I am doing here and choose to keep things separate for now. There is a place for everything, and my side project is different from what I do here.  

To be fair, the channel was born out of things I have written here in earlier posts. When you take a moment to think about the source of your inspiration, where your idea is truly born from it can surprise you. Turns out all these Special Forces books and some philosophical readings gave birth to my little creative adventure. It's all about that 10 second pause. 

Take time to pause today and every day.  Give yourself time, you deserve it. 

I was digging through some of my parent's belongings and found a Kenny Rogers CD which triggers a few memories from when I was kid. Your musical treat is the 1979 Kenny Rogers hit You Decorated My Life.

Rock on!

~Maynard