It has been far too long since my last post.
I was furloughed and laid off from job even though I did no wrong. While I wasn't exactly saving the world, my co-workers and I were trying to make it a better place. We were front line ambassadors trying to spread goodwill. We were trying to help people, help themselves, their communities, their countries.
When you have your head down all the time, you sometimes forget your mission, your purpose, your drive for things and it wasn't until I finished reading Anthony 'Staz' Stazicker's book The Hard Road Will Take You Home that I looked back on my employer and the work that had been done and the work we had been doing until it was destroyed.
It is now time for me to rebuild something. I am still unemployed at the moment. I will admit I haven't thrown myself into the job search like others. It's yucky out there. So much, pain with doom and gloom. My brain can't handle it all and I don't know if I want to do the same kind of work. I can't retire. Not old enough and starting over seems a horrible thought. I am willing to start over in a job that is interesting. That is the tough part. I haven't seen anything that ignites my fire to work.
I do keep busy with my side project. It gives me an outlet to be creative, create something positive to keep myself balanced and to put good energy into the universe. I hope what I create can bring comfort to people. A place to visit in the storm.
While I do my best to put kindness out into the world, I struggle. Doubt is a little monster that crawls around and I'm doing my best to keep it away in regard to my side project. Motivation is the other little monster. I have none for the most part. I will admit that I wonder why I am still here and there doesn't seem to be a good reason to really stick around.
As much as I feel exhausted and sad, hurt, I find comfort in the pages of the books I read by Special Forces Operators. I don't fully understand why, but I'll figure it out. For now, there is hope in their stories and maybe I'm not fully willing to throw in the towel...it just feels like it.
All right, time to move on. Today's musical treat is Cry by Godley and Creme.
Rock on!
~Maynard