Having dysthymia makes finding joy hard to do. You have a constant cloud of gloom over your head and as much as you try to find that ray of sunshine, some days it's just impossible to even get a glimpse. Lack of motivation, low energy and a mind that rolls wildly into a bad neighborhood.
The pandemic has taken a toll on me mentally and every day is an exhausting battle to not let myself slip into the darkest parts of myself. Dysthymia is always with me, lingering around me, waiting for the right time to jump me from behind and wrestle me to the ground. It is very tiring.
I feel cut off from the world in ways that I don't like. My creativity is blocked a bit and my ability to do nice things for people, to channel doing worthwhile things has been a challenge. I want to do something like support skateboarders. Unfortunately, the way I want to help them seems to be out of reach. My pathways blocked. It's like I'm knocking on doors, looking for a path to channel my want to help but the doors remained closed.
I mentioned Jonny Giger in my last post and want to support him but the path to support him in a way that I want, is not available. I want to contribute more than $5 to him. I can see the creativity and drive he has to make good content and share his love of skateboarding. It's in his videos that I am finding a bit of joy.
His videos bring a smile, a giggle and sometimes a laugh. I find myself internally cheering for him when he lands a trick and even when he misses. I can't help but marvel in the way he works out a trick and puts everything together. At first glance, it may not seem impressive but when he puts the trick into slow motion, that's when the beauty of the trick comes alive. In a split second, the board will flip, his feet guiding it as he flies through the air and gently lands on his board to roll away. It may be two minutes or maybe a whole video, but it's a welcome distraction to the negative thoughts in my head, a break from the feeling of dread and worthlessness that at times overpowers me.
Finding the little things that bring joy can make all the difference. We don't need giant massive things to bring us joy, the little things can do that. Sometimes the little joys in life, leave the biggest mark on us.
I'm leaving you with a bit of joy from one of Jonny Giger's videos. He was working on the 'mystery flip' but took a break to share some skating at the park. My favorite part is at the seven-minute mark. It's conveniently in slow motion. The way he gets into the trick is darn impressive to me and I don't even skate!
If you are struggling, I hope you find something that brings you joy, no matter how little it is. I discovered a guitar player while going down the YouTube rabbit hole and thought I'd share him with you. His name is Estas Tonne and the song is called "Perception". This song would be great to skate to - I think. Funny thing about this video, it was filmed in Zurich, Switzerland!
Rock on!
~Maynard
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