I have been away from the keyboard but not away from the things in my mind. Per usual, I am always trying to understand and figure myself out. I think taking the time to understand about myself, what matters to me, are important things to delve into. It's a never-ending quest for which I'm thankful to be on. After all these years, I still manage to surprise myself when things suddenly make sense.
On the journey, you truly do learn the things you like or don't, the things that matter to you, the people that matter to you and who is weighing you down. Sometimes you need to cut people free. At some point in your journey, you will come to realize that you are not being nourished in a way that you should be. I'm not taking about food although that helps, I'm talking about a different kind of nourishment.
Nourishment that fuels you. Nourishment that feeds your inner needs, like creating art or music, or simply taking the time to shut the world out and go inwards. In this crazy world, I admit that I sometimes forget to stop and enjoy the birds singing in the tree outside my window or pay attention to the squirrels that congregate near the trash house each morning to play.
I can easily say I don't meditate. You might call it that, but I like to call it a "tuning session", as I shut the world out for about 30 minutes, I tune into myself. I put on some instrumental Celtic music, sometimes there might be singing but vary rarely. Celtic music seems to put me in the right headspace as I light a candle and sit with eyes closed. Sometimes I might put a small dab of frankincense and myrrh anointing oil on my wrists but not often. I always know when I need to. The smell is good, it helps with focusing and makes me feel I'm protected. Due to my sensitivities to fragrances, it's mild enough that it doesn't give me a headache.
I've tried meditation on and off for years, but I can't get my brain to stop darting from thought to thought but my tuning sessions are good enough that the thoughts slow down enough that I can focus for a little while. It's good to check in with myself this way and also its good to do this to recalibrate myself - to center myself a bit especially if the previous day or days have been hectic.
I tune in when I feel the need to. Admittedly, I should probably do it more often but I'm still putting things together after having recently found myself again. In the event you are wondering, I do feel more like myself and the happy vibe that I got from reading Jason Fox's book has worn off, but its significance hasn't. No, I haven't heard from Jason Fox either if you were wondering about that too. I don't suspect I will but hey - the world works in mysterious ways so one never knows.
I have continued reading books by former military. I'm nearing the end though. I finished reading First Man In: Leading from the Front by Ant Middleton. I'm currently reading Ollie Ollerton's Battle Ready and have another Jason Fox book Embrace the Chaos in my pile. I might add Aldo Kane's Lesson from the Edge but not sure yet.
I do need a break from reading books. I have so many to read in other piles, but I do need to finish this military themed pile. I have other projects to work on and finish. I actually started making Christmas gifts! Super crazy but I know myself, if I don't finish them now, I never will.
My post was a bit all over the place but that's where I am right now - all over the place mentally speaking but no worries, I'll come home. I always do.
Enjoy today's musical treat from Blue October - Kangaroo Cry.
Rock on!
~Maynard
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