Game of Bob & New Music

While the weather is slowly getting nicer, I very much hate the days we get rain. The barometric pressure before the rain comes changes and gives me headaches. As if my allergies weren't enough, I have to deal with this on top of it. I'll be happy when the weather is more consistent.

Weather does play a part in how I feel. When October comes and the days turn a little darker, and the skies stormy I get rather reflection and sad. The rain brings me down, the skies gray, it's depressing for me. There is beauty in it at times, but it does make me want to stay in bed.

Staying in bed is something I did this morning and it felt good. Too good really. I eventually did roll out of bed and took stock of my pile of books to read, the various craft projects I've started but haven't finished. The feeling of dread washing over me with the thought of going back to work tomorrow. I really don't want to go to work tomorrow. Thankfully, I have a couple of days off coming up soon.

I have a few ideas percolating for writing ideas and projects. I have more research to do and figure out if it's something worth pursuing. In digging around I found a Bob Burnquist video I had seen but not the version I found.  It put a smile on my face. Then again, watching Bob skate always does.  

I share with you a video called 'Game of Bob' where someone put the theme song to 'Game of Thrones' to Bob's skate video. I'm familiar with the song but have never watched the show. I know. I must be the only person who never has watched the show. 

Sometimes going down the YouTube rabbit hole can yield some interesting finds, especially when I'm looking for music. I found several artists that seemed promising in checking out further, so I made list.  I did find a band called Eluveitie who are a Swiss folk metal band. I found a song called 'De Ruef vo de Bärge" which I believe when translated means "Call of the Mountains". I did find the English version of the song but to be honest I like the Swiss-German version better. I can't understand a darn word and that's okay. You can still connect to a song without knowing the words. Obviously, knowing the words helps but I won't be singing in Swiss-German anytime soon. 

Be well, everyone and be a little adventurous and find new music, or videos on how to do something or click on something that has you interested. There are little gems everywhere if you look.

Rock on!

~Maynard

Find Joy in the Little Things

Having dysthymia makes finding joy hard to do. You have a constant cloud of gloom over your head and as much as you try to find that ray of sunshine, some days it's just impossible to even get a glimpse. Lack of motivation, low energy and a mind that rolls wildly into a bad neighborhood.

The pandemic has taken a toll on me mentally and every day is an exhausting battle to not let myself slip into the darkest parts of myself. Dysthymia is always with me, lingering around me, waiting for the right time to jump me from behind and wrestle me to the ground. It is very tiring.

I feel cut off from the world in ways that I don't like. My creativity is blocked a bit and my ability to do nice things for people, to channel doing worthwhile things has been a challenge. I want to do something like support skateboarders.  Unfortunately, the way I want to help them seems to be out of reach. My pathways blocked.  It's like I'm knocking on doors, looking for a path to channel my want to help but the doors remained closed.

I mentioned Jonny Giger in my last post and want to support him but the path to support him in a way that I want, is not available. I want to contribute more than $5 to him. I can see the creativity and drive he has to make good content and share his love of skateboarding. It's in his videos that I am finding a bit of joy.  

His videos bring a smile, a giggle and sometimes a laugh. I find myself internally cheering for him when he lands a trick and even when he misses. I can't help but marvel in the way he works out a trick and puts everything together. At first glance, it may not seem impressive but when he puts the trick into slow motion, that's when the beauty of the trick comes alive. In a split second, the board will flip, his feet guiding it as he flies through the air and gently lands on his board to roll away.  It may be two minutes or maybe a whole video, but it's a welcome distraction to the negative thoughts in my head, a break from the feeling of dread and worthlessness that at times overpowers me.

Finding the little things that bring joy can make all the difference. We don't need giant massive things to bring us joy, the little things can do that.  Sometimes the little joys in life, leave the biggest mark on us.

I'm leaving you with a bit of joy from one of Jonny Giger's videos. He was working on the 'mystery flip' but took a break to share some skating at the park.  My favorite part is at the seven-minute mark. It's conveniently in slow motion. The way he gets into the trick is darn impressive to me and I don't even skate!

If you are struggling, I hope you find something that brings you joy, no matter how little it is. I discovered a guitar player while going down the YouTube rabbit hole and thought I'd share him with you. His name is Estas Tonne and the song is called "Perception". This song would be great to skate to - I think. Funny thing about this video, it was filmed in Zurich, Switzerland!  

Rock on!

~Maynard

Resilience & Perseverance

Having dysthymia can be a pain in the butt. Some days it's hard to stay motivated but I manage to find a way. I manage to find ways to keep going, to move forward even when it may seem I'm standing still. The last few years have been very hard. I've managed to find ways to cope even when I think I can't.

I have been told I am resilient multiple times because I am ever working on myself and understanding my dysthymia. I work on using the tools I have or discovering ones I didn't know I had. That was the case of my revelation about skateboarding. When I was at my lowest point during the pandemic, on the verge of a mental break, my mind dug deep, and skateboarding came to the forefront. Along with skateboarding came BMX and FMX but skateboarding has stuck around. My mind dug deep and found something that brought me joy.

Skateboarders are a good reminder about having resilience and perseverance with things. Watching a skateboarder try a trick over and over, maybe trying for hours, days or weeks. They bail but get right back up and try again. The cycle keeps going. 

When I find myself in moments of giving up on something, I think about how skateboarders keep trying. I know it may sound odd to hear that but it's true. It's not just what a skateboarder does, the skater themselves play a role in it too.  There is artistry, athleticism, beauty and creativity. So many things come out of skateboarding and watching a skater.  

I realized that I'm drawn to certain skaters because there is something about them and the way they skate that speaks to me on a deeper level. It's the same thing I have with guitar players. They play the guitar in such a way that it speaks to a deeper part of me. I simply understand and connect.

I like when I find new skaters that I may not be familiar with or heard of, such is the case with Jonny Giger from Switzerland. I have no idea how I discovered Jonny and am a little late to the party because he's been skating for a long time.  He started his YouTube channel back in 2011, so yeah, I'm way late to the party but I'm glad I found it!

He's removed the mystery around learning tricks, showing the viewer that it can take hours or days to learn a trick. It makes me appreciate skateboarding even more. It's not that I was clueless to the amount of work that goes into learning a trick, I think it makes me appreciate all the skaters I like even more. Watching Jonny show try after try, sometimes upwards of 800 attempts or more is a great reminder to keep at something, to not give up which circles back to my dysthymia.

Let's be honest, having chronic depression sucks and finding motivation to keep at something can be painfully hard. A simple task like vacuuming my living room can be extremely daunting. It takes all of 5 minutes but getting myself to do it can be a battle.

If you've made it this far in my rambling, I suggest you check out anyone of Jonny's videos where he's learning a trick. When you feel you need a kick in the pants to keep going, watching one of his videos should do the trick or maybe it won't. It happens. I'm glad that I discovered Jonny because he's now on my list of favorite skaters. 

As a side bonus, I found a piece of music from an artist I didn't know about called LostBrother. I haven't started diving into the artist yet, but the one piece of music Jonny used in a video, was really cool. It made me think of Joe Bonamassa with a bit of Johnny Cash and Gary Moore to it. It's got nice tone and the vibe is awesome. Perfect for a skateboard video.

Enjoy LostBrother's "Jonny Giger's Flatground Track". Yes, that's the name of the track! It's the same song used in Jonny's Giger's Flatground Project video which I have posted below.

Rock on!

~Maynard

A New Year, Where Are We Going?

A new year is here. I have been lax in writing the past few months as things got busy. Plus, my dysthymia was kicking me pretty good in November and into December while I worked on NaNoWriMo.  I did complete NaNoWriMo. The streak in still alive in meeting the 50,000-word goal in 30 days.  I have decided that once I hit 1 million words, I'll stop doing it. 

I was going through my music collection and found a Hal Ketcham CD.  When I worked as a radio announcer for a country music station fresh out of college, I learned about him. I put the CD on and for whatever reason when "Stay Forever" came on I thought of myself when I was in college and then thought of Sean. It's an odd association because nothing from my days playing country music after college was ever linked to anyone I went to college with.  

If anything, when it comes to song association, especially with Sean, it's a Pink Floyd song that admittedly, was not his song or mine during our college years. The association came after college, it came after I learned of his passing. When I hear "Wish You Were Here", I think of Sean. The think is, Pink Floyd was not a band he'd listen to. They were more in my wheelhouse than his.  

My music collection has been slowly growing.  I hope that I expand it and find new artists this coming year. Last year, I didn't buy a whole lot.  As the new year is here, I don't know what lies ahead.  I didn't make any resolutions. I think that was smart on my part after listening to my friends say they bought a $900/year gym membership and have gone only once.  Yikes!

Anyway, I'm glad I didn't make a resolution like that even though I could use a visit to the gym. I'll wait for the nice weather instead.

Take care everyone.  Enjoy, Pink Floyd, well technically, David Gilmour. 

Rock on!

~Maynard

Small Gestures Can Heal

This will be one of those strange posts.  You'll have to deal with it a little while longer people.  NaNoWriMo is coming and future posts will be about writing but for now, something else takes precedence. 

I have to admit that over the past couple of weeks I’ve sensed Sean or what I perceive to be him. It’s a complicated feeling. In recent days I’ve sensed strong feelings of appreciation mixed with happy crying. I found a man in Connecticut who is willing to deliver flowers to Sean’s grave and take a photo of it.  This guy has a business and this is what he does.

I was so happy to find this guy. It put me at ease as it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for many, many years. To visit Sean's grave or at the very least leave flowers somehow.  I think on some level doing so heals me, it brings a resolution to Sean’s passing as I never said good-bye to him.  For 21 years I think that's what I have been trying to do but never finding the right way to honor him and this year, knowing that flowers will be put on his grave gives me a sense of peace.  It feels right.

I think this gesture of leaving flowers on Sean's grave would make him happy.   I can't explain what I sense and maybe what I feel is simply me on a deeper level I haven't spoken with. I sense that Sean is happy crying simply because he's being acknowledged because he's been neglected.  I don't know if Sean's family ever visits his grave but I'd like to think they do even though a part of me tells me they don't.  Given their silence over the years when I've reached out to them, I suspect they don't visit. I could be wrong but from my other interactions with them in the past before Sean died I have reason to believe they don't go. 

As long as I'm alive, Sean is not forgotten or ignored, in life and in death he is remembered and acknowledged.  My friendship with Sean was complicated as was his life but for all the heartache he caused, it all worked out in the end.

Today, I leave you with the musical stylings of Matt Andersen.

Rock on!

~Maynard