The Rollercoaster Never Stops

There are days where a song can speak to you on multiple levels.  You don't know why but each word, each note, the melody itself or a particular instrument moves you. Your inner world simply responds. The song is saying things you need to hear. 

I was going through my CD collection and popped in my Sam Cooke CD. I hadn't listened to it in a long time and the mood I was in seemed right.  When 'A Change Is Gonna Come' came on the sound of the strings and Sam's voice put me in a different place.

I felt like I should have been in a home library, record playing, a fire roaring in the fireplace, while I sat in a chair casually drinking a bourbon while swaying to the music. Simply getting lost in the arrangement. It's such a strange image given that I don't have a home library, a fireplace or drink bourbon. In all honestly, I don't drink at all.

My mood and mental thoughts have had me riding the rollercoaster. There are moments where I am okay and other moments where I am not and wish I had someone to hug in that moment. Life can be tiring at times.  I keep moving forward whether I want to or not.

Last week, I had a friend come over for dinner and relayed a conversation I had with someone else and how I picked up on the fact that things I said caused a bit of worry.  I never mean to worry anyone, but I have learned that society kinds of make those that are struggling feel guilty for struggling.  I had to assure both of my friends that I was okay even if I wasn't okay.

I recently learned that part of why I feel lost is that I never fully mourned my dad's passing. I didn't really have the time to do so because life required so much of me. I didn't mourn but kind of half-assed it. The other discovery I learned had to do with moving. When I moved from the house I had lived in for 43 years to my new place a part of me got left behind. A part of me never made the move.

I'm still working through that and what I mean by that. For as long as I lived in that house, I have no memories. I have memories but nothing that evokes strong emotions. Something to chew on.

Today, I leave you with Sam Cooke's 'A Change Is Gonna Come' as your musical treat. 

Rock on!

~Maynard